The Lasky Report

Alt theology with a hint of satire

God Admits Tower of Babel Plan Failed


SHINAR, BABYLON- God responded to the leaked Tower of Babel Commission Report by confirming that his plan to destroy the world’s first tall building and create new languages to confuse the human race didn’t pan out the way he hoped. The Tower of Babel incident resulted in 2,598 deaths and $3.2 trillion in destroyed property.

“Look, I get it. I recently wiped most of humanity out in a flood and they wanted payback. I’d do the same thing. But seriously, what were they going to do when they finished the building, kill me? Only Joe Biden can do that and he wouldn’t be around for another few thousand years. Honestly, I saved them from a huge act of futility.”

The alleged genocide flood aside, the leaked 463 page Babel Report details various missteps and miscalculations taken by God throughout the entire process that eventually led to taller buildings being built and the emergence of...

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